What Agents say/What they (we) Really mean:
Boasts – Has
Benefits from – Has
Comprises of – Has
Superb lounge – It has a lounge
Bijou – A tiny box room.
Cash-buyers only – No bank in its right mind would lend on this.
Cosy – No more than one person per room at a time.
Close to good schools – Can get there in ten minutes, if you drive like Lewis Hamilton.
Easily-maintained garden – Concrete as far as the eye can see.
Full of history – Doesn’t have electricity or running water.
Perfect for a first time buyer – We know you can’t afford to be choosy.
Popular area – I hope you like neighbours.
Put your own stamp on it – Half-built.
Renovation required – Watch your money magically disappear.
Pied-à-terre – Fancy French phrase for cosy.
Quirky – Nothing matches and the doors are 4ft high.
Reduced for a quick sale – There has been no interest
Recommended viewing – The pictures are horrible, aren’t they?
Fully fitted kitchen – Good news, you won’t need to provide your own sink
WC / bathroom – There’s a toilet, but we call it a WC because it makes it sound slightly more upmarket than saying the word toilet
Original features – Nothing has ever been repaired
An attractive mezzanine level – Odd space that’s totally impractical
Bags of potential – Do you have endless time, money and patience?
If I have missed any then please let me know.
